Edward Cullen Goes Online

My life with Edward Cullen took a funny turn today when I personally witnessed the defensive Edward Cullen in action.

I was on one of my daily Twilight/New-Moon/Robert-Pattinson-related research rituals when Edward asked if he could also go online; apparently, he wanted to check his email. Knowing that he can read my mind, I sent him a signal that maybe he could buy me a present using his Platinum credit card. He gave me one of his crooked smiles. After recovering from the hyperventilation caused by his awesome smile, I graciously lent him my iTouch since given his size, the iTouch is perfect for him.

Not long after, I heard Edward growl…you got that right…he growled. I looked over to see what the commotion was about and I saw this.

Edward sees the werewolves.

Edward sees the werewolves.

“I can’t believe these dogs have their picture out on the web!” Edward said in an annoyed tone. “They do not even look this good in real life. This was obviously photoshopped.” He growled again.

“I think they look awfully sexy in that picture,” I replied, “especially the one on the far left.”

Edward was obviously irritated by my answer so I backpedalled.

“You also have a sexy picture out on the web. Here, I’ll show you.” I sat beside him and searched for the New Moon picture passed from Twilighter to Twilighter.

Edward sees the impostor.

Edward sees the impostor.

Then, it happened.

“This isn’t me! This is just an actor trying to be me. This is incredibly insulting. I think somebody photoshopped this imposter’s head over Jason Lee’s The Crow poster. I look 107% better than this guy.” Edward bellowed.

I never thought that he would be so annoyed by these pictures. I didn’t know how to help him calm down. Then, I thought of an idea.

“Edward, would you like to see something incredibly funny?” I asked.

“Sure.” He replied.

Then, I brought him to this website called Letters to Rob. We spent the whole afternoon reading the funny letters to the imposter actor playing him. After Edward calmed down, I reassured him that he is way hotter than the werewolves and the imposter Edward. Edward shrugged and gave me one of his crooked smiles.

“I’m the world’s best predator, aren’t I?” Everything about me invites you in—my voice, my face, even my smell. As if I need any of that!” Edward said seductively.

I just had to put him in his place and burst his bubble a little.

“Actually, Edward. You smell like rubber.” I replied.

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