My life with Edward Cullen took a funny turn today when I personally witnessed the defensive Edward Cullen in action.
I was on one of my daily Twilight/New-Moon/Robert-Pattinson-related research rituals when Edward asked if he could also go online; apparently, he wanted to check his email. Knowing that he can read my mind, I sent him a signal that maybe he could buy me a present using his Platinum credit card. He gave me one of his crooked smiles. After recovering from the hyperventilation caused by his awesome smile, I graciously lent him my iTouch since given his size, the iTouch is perfect for him.
Not long after, I heard Edward growl…you got that right…he growled. I looked over to see what the commotion was about and I saw this.
â€œI canâ€™t believe these dogs have their picture out on the web!â€ Edward said in an annoyed tone. â€œThey do not even look this good in real life. This was obviously photoshopped.â€ He growled again.
â€œI think they look awfully sexy in that picture,â€ I replied, â€œespecially the one on the far left.â€
Edward was obviously irritated by my answer so I backpedalled.
â€œYou also have a sexy picture out on the web. Here, Iâ€™ll show you.â€ I sat beside him and searched for the New Moon picture passed from Twilighter to Twilighter.
Then, it happened.
â€œThis isnâ€™t me! This is just an actor trying to be me. This is incredibly insulting. I think somebody photoshopped this imposterâ€™s head over Jason Leeâ€™s The Crow poster. I look 107% better than this guy.â€ Edward bellowed.
I never thought that he would be so annoyed by these pictures. I didnâ€™t know how to help him calm down. Then, I thought of an idea.
â€œEdward, would you like to see something incredibly funny?â€ I asked.
â€œSure.â€ He replied.
Then, I brought him to this website called Letters to Rob. We spent the whole afternoon reading the funny letters to the imposter actor playing him. After Edward calmed down, I reassured him that he is way hotter than the werewolves and the imposter Edward. Edward shrugged and gave me one of his crooked smiles.
â€œIâ€™m the worldâ€™s best predator, arenâ€™t I?â€ Everything about me invites you inâ€”my voice, my face, even my smell. As if I need any of that!â€ Edward said seductively.
I just had to put him in his place and burst his bubble a little.
â€œActually, Edward. You smell like rubber.â€ I replied.